No-hitter and Still a Miss*

*Disclaimer: I have never seen a baseball game.

I have been completely self-rejecting these past few weeks.

I wrote two poems for this website’s call for poems from women: https://masticadoresusa.wordpress.com/.

I thought they were both terrible. And by terrible, I felt like they were just too revealing. Yes, poetry is very personal. But it was so wrapped up in the fear and distress being in this red state that I was embarrassed. Or maybe I felt I didn’t have enough emotional distance.

I felt the same way when I received a request for an essay. I wrote it, and I just couldn’t bring myself to share-post in a public forum.

And, I’d like to say I’ve been too busy with my work as an excuse to why I haven’t written since I’ve moved to this small town, but I was similarly working full time in New Mexico, and I was still able to write and submit short stories.

Again, I can’t even describe how difficult it is on my psyche to be subjected to a constant, loud, vibrating-my-entire-house droning hum from the nearby grain elevators from about six a.m. to five or six at night.

About halfway through the day I start getting nauseous from the droning hum vibration. I start feeling disorientated and I get this odd sensation in my ears. It’s almost like going up in a plane where your ears pop except there’s no pressure, it’s just, I don’t know, your ears just can’t make sense of the noise anymore and they just start to shut down. It’s a very creepy sensation–like static on a television screen but in your ears.

And that’s not taking into account to the trains that pull up after the grain elevators shut down, which picks up with the droning vibrating hum (with the addition of loud bangs and thuds that sound like mini-explosions going off) until the next morning when the factory takes over from the trains.

And now I’ve written something a little personal, and I haven’t self-rejected.

So, I missed putting the word out about the climate change anthology my short story is in  (https://paw.princeton.edu/new-books/extinction-notice-tales-warming-earth) on Earth Day and I just couldn’t get organized enough to upload 101+ photos of my precious rescue cats for National Pet Parents Day.

And I don’t know what else I missed.

But you know, coming up soon (April 30) is National Shelter Pet Day here in the United States, so I’d love it if you go take a look at my 2022 Astrological Guide to Shelter Cats over at Katzenworld: https://katzenworld.co.uk/2022/04/26/2022-astrological-guide-to-shelter-cats/

Remember, #AdoptDontShop! https://www.petfinder.com/

19 thoughts on “No-hitter and Still a Miss*

  1. The house I grew up in, and lived for thirty years in, was directly across the street from a huge chemical plant and very near a huge freaking steel mill. The noise was so continuous that when it would occasionally stop, the feeling would be eerie and uncomfortable! Kind of like how I have to sleep with a box fan running and if the power goes out, I’ll bolt awake from the sudden loss of noise. And then there was the steel flake snowstorms that would dump on us….. but that’s another tale…

    Hopefully your brain will eventually grow accustomed to it and process it as white noise…

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    1. That steel flake snowstorm sounds terrifying! But nice fodder for a horror tale! Ha! Were there any chemical spills at the plant? (If it were the white noise, I could, as you said, just tune it out. It’s the vibrating hum that’s really getting to me. It’s being passed through the floor and through all the furniture I sit it. Trying to sleep at night is like trying to sleep on one of those industrial a/c/heating units at a hospital. LOL!)

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    2. It’s like when I first moved to New Mexico, it was so quiet! My neighbour and I were chatting one day, and she starts complaining about the truck noise, and I was like “what noise?” There were no sirens, no horns, no drive-bys, no SWAT teams running down the street…lol!

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  2. Writing of any sort is (for me) personal. I used to agonize over it, change it, change it again……I worried what people would think, whether they’d “get” what I was trying to say, etc. Now I’m a lot older and wiser and I write what I want to, “launch” it into the world and hope it clicks with whoever reads it I loved your horoscopes for shelter cats – Teddy is the perfectly Pisces. He fits in well with your description of a Pisces cat – he’s king of his domain alright – and we wouldn’t have it any other way!

    Hugs, Pam

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  3. Oh, Willow, I could relate and empathize on so many levels reading this. I wish I could simultaneously give you a giant hug and also some amazing words of comfort and guidance. Alas, I can do neither. I can only let you know I hear you and feel your pain.

    AND that I LOVED your clever cat horoscopes! OMG! You never cease to amaze me with your clever mind!

    Also, CONGRATS about the climate change antho! That cover is AMAZING!!!!

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    1. Moon Pie “I hear that, Lulu. My brother and his life partner hide from time to time. I try to tell them nothing can happen to them when I’m on guard patrol. But even I got a little scared when someone was out shooting off a gun really close to the house. Willow says she’s trying to get us out of here as soon as she can, though.”

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