Whooping Cranes, Walter White, and Other Friday the 13th Weirdness (aka Relocation Part Two) . . .

My “ancient” cell phone starts ringing when I’m actually out and about doing something other than staring at my computer. Even luckier, I’m in a store by the noisy checkout lanes when a call came in earlier today. I’m all like “I’ll bet it’s about a JOB!!!!“, and I try not to sound overly eager when I answer the call.

The conversation went something like this:

“Hi, my name is *garble garble*, and I had your application sent to my desk for the *crackle static crackle* pusher.”

A pusher? What the heck? What do they want me to push? Drugs? Contraband? Hmm . . . maybe . . .

I start daydreaming about being the next Walter White. Or at least about all of Walter White’s ill-begotten gains. “I’m sorry,” I say, “I’m in a store and it’s noisy. Could you tell me who you are with and what sort of position you’re looking to fill, please?”

My phone suddenly behaves itself. “THE CART PUSHER POSITION AT WONDERFUL CHAIN STORE.”

Which, even though I’m not on speaker, everyone within a ten-foot radius can hear.

I get embarrassed and flustered, and I garble something back about I wish I could but I’m not able to fulfill the duties of a cart pusher because of . . . and, luckily, I stop myself before I head off into a TMI ramble about why I can’t move unwieldy objects around. I apologize, but say that I’m open to positions like X, Y, and Z.

(In all my years of working in grocery stores, I have never, not once, heard of that particular job–as a bagger–referred to as a “cart pusher” position. It’s mostly just like “Go out and get carts” and I would race out the door before the manager even got to the word “carts” because, you know, it’s a break from the customers who get oddly irked that you put their bread at the bottom of the bag and pile twenty soup cans on top of it.)

Plus, you know, if I were able to handle a more physically arduous job, it would be this one, without a doubt: https://www.conservationjobboard.com/job-listing-whooping-crane-chick-rearing-apprenticeship-baraboo-wisconsin/3478983987.


So, yeah, snarky and probably not-very-funny story aside, I put together a wishful-thinking list of the places I’ve gotten travel/relocation packets for, and I was going to do a poll for fun (truthfully, so I could learn how to do it), but decided just to list the potentials. Ideally, I would love to have a water source nearby, or wetlands, and a great library/library system–and be in a Blue state. Classical music, farmer’s market, good track record for animal welfare and advocacy/wildlife protections. I did like Wichita, but my experience in small-town Kansas has really tainted the state for me, sadly.

Willow’s Wishful Thinking Relocation List:

  1. Canada!
  2. Scotland!
  3. Anywhere in Maine (Freeport, Portland, Bangor)
  4. Salem, Massachusetts
  5. Montpelier, Vermont
  6. Oregon (Portland, Ashland, Medford. Bend)
  7. Des Moines, Iowa
  8. Cedar Rapids, Iowa
  9. Yellow Springs, Ohio
  10. Wisconsin (La Crosse County Library seems great! Milwaukee?)
  11. Missoula, Montana
  12. Austin, TX
  13. Detroit
  14. Chicago
  15. Minneapolis
  16. Fargo (Gotta see the woodchipper, right?)
  17. Kansas (Lawrence, Wichita, Kansas City, KS/MO)
  18. New Mexico
  19. Eureka Springs, AK
  20. Deadwood, SD

Annnnddd, I also have more candidates from lists of states/cities that have banned Roundup, and/or are hippie-type places, as well.

In lieu of a poll, feel free to vote by putting your pick in the comments! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go out and get carts, one by one by one by . . .