Leave it to the United States to tackle what is really important—ridding themselves of the pesky twice-yearly time change!
Because, don’t ya know, climate change doesn’t exist, plastic is 100% biodegradable, extinction is a bleeding-heart liberal myth, and things like pesticides, deforestation, and fracking/PFAS have zero impact on the environment and wildlife like squirrels.
And, of course, women are yearning to be “barefoot and pregnant” in the kitchen yet once again.
Not to mention the fact that nobody reads books anymore anyway, so who cares that the conservative right is burning books yanking books off library shelves everywhere?
Am I right, or am I right?
So, it’s my pleasure to announce, the bill has passed to make Daylight Savings Time permanent! That means, for all you (99.9%) of underpaid minions here in the good ol’ U.S. of A, ya’ll can’t use that handy excuse to explain to your corporate overlord supervisor why you were late.
After all, who actually needs to enjoy a nice sit-down breakfast with your family, anyway?
Certainly not people working triple shifts just to buy a week’s worth of food day’s worth of food for said family!
And those leftist liberals were too preoccupied in trying to protect women’s rights, the rights of nonhuman animals and of nature, the rights of the aforementioned underpaid minions, and anybody else that can cook up a sob story and pass it off as a completely ineffectual petition, that they didn’t notice the rider that was attached to that bill.
I’m talking about the measure that is a one-stop, surefire, bet-your-bottom-dollar (if you don’t even have a “bottom dollar” you’re shit out of luck), solution to the so-called inflation crisis!
Attached to this “Sunshine Protection Act”, destined to go into effect November 5th of this year, is an extra day tacked onto the end of November, extending the month’s previous 30-day allotment.
“We just know the American people will appreciate the addition of November 31 to the calendar,” conservative right spokesperson Mr-Definitely-Not-Gender-Fluid-Sawbucks. “I mean, who wouldn’t benefit from an extra day of Black Friday sales to stock up on all that plastic merchandise for their loved ones? Not only will this extra shopping day be a guaranteed boost to the economy, I’ve heard that the plastic is now so biodegradable you can eat it!”
So, there you have it, folks…not only do we get an extra hour of sunshine, we of the 99.9% U.S. population get an extra day to put food on the table exercise our consumer rights to act as greedy and rapacious as the One-Percenters!
Happy November 31st, everybody!!!!!
(*Oh, and Happy April Fools’ Day! Thanks to the Evil Squirrel Nest for another fun event: The Tenth Annual Contest of Whatever!)
Also, in case it still isn’t clear, this post is about as real as my chances of winning the lottery. But there’s always tomorrow!
“Am I right, or am I right?”
You am rite!
Ha, Happy April Fools Day (no fooling!).. *smiles*
I have every faith that your prediction will be adopted and passed. Hugs
Here’s hoping! Happy April Fool’s Day!
Sunshine wins, November wins, everyone’s a winner! People will surely forget and forgive all those other trifling issues when they hear about this… 🙂
Yay! We’re all winners! (Except when it comes to playing the lottery, most times! *smiles*)
YOU GO GIRL! Love this……good job covering all the nonsense we are so well known for. AND THEN SOME…………
Hugs, Pam
Hee hee, you got that right, eh? I guess people just like to make things complicated!
I was waiting for someone to pick up on the extra day of Christmas shopping angle! I do expect something like the Sunshine Protection Act could realistically happen since the reasons for having DST are so illogical and full of baloney already. Thank you for entering the Contest of Whatever and good luck!
Hey, that works then! I know…I’m still all akilter from the time switch…tee hee!
BWAHAHAHAHA! You had me going there for a while…then I realized, “She must be a day early getting in on the April Fool’s Day fun.” Which I love. Because, spoiler, I’m doing the same!
Now it’s even funnier because I commented on a post one day before it got “published!” That’s March 32nd for you….
Ha, that’s a brilliant observation!!! There ya go! Ahahhahahaha!
Fun times?
LOL Thank you for the fun reading and many good laughter. I wish the bill to make Daylight Savings Time permanent would pass and the Sunshine Protection Act sounds interesting.
And here’s hoping that someday I can keep my times and days straight. ROFL!
Oh, you had me for a minute—way to go! A contest entry and an April Fool’s joke all wrapped in one!
Hope it garnered a laugh! Happy April Fool’s!
I am right ! Anita
You really had me there for a minute😄
Ha, yes, rest assured…Happy April Fools!
The dogs are quite relieved that the squirrels uniting into an army is just part of an April Fool’s joke. (That IS part of the joke, right? Right … ?)
Um, mayyyyyybbbbbeeee. Ha! (It’s all the fault of people…we keep feeding those pesky squirrels!)
I firmly believe that your forecast will be accepted and carried out.
Pingback: Judgement Day – 11/31 | Evil Squirrel's Nest
Here’s a peek into how my mind works: even after reading the “April Fools” portion of this post, I still believed that it was all true. This explains a lot about all of my firmly-held beliefs.
The thing is, this post is absolutely plausible these days. Stranger things happen in the news every day. Satire is getting harder and harder to do…
*sigh* I know…it’s like we just keep running around in circles…what’s that line from that Pink Floyd song, again…
That was so much fun! Squirrels everywhere will approve. And COWS!
Too funny.. thanks for the laugh! 🤣
You’re welcome…thanks for reading…and visiting!
Yup, you are my kind of writer, sorry I only just had time and energy to see this. I was wondering if a story idea I posted yesterday, which is a bit too macabre for most of my readers, if not all of them, might interest you…
I’m trying to find the story idea that (I might have?) missed…?
A couple of days ago: https://shiradest.wordpress.com/2024/09/25/donating-a-terrible-story-idea/